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We Win They Lose archive
Category : Humor

thumbSchumer, Franken scurry from questions about IRS scandal (Hilarious Video)

Prominent Israel Hater Alice Walker Believes World Run by Reptilian Space Aliens (NOT Satire)

Alice Walker, the author of “The Color Purple” who was also a “jurist” in the kangaroo court “Russell Tribunal on Palestine,” believes that Israel is an apartheid state.

She also believes that the world is run by shape-shifting reptilian aliens who practice mind control from the Moon.

I’m not sure which opinion is more bizarre.

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Judge: Lesbian Couple Can’t Live Together: ‘Morality Clause’ in Divorce Settlement forces them apart

With gay marriage banned in Texas, a lesbian couple has been forced to live apart.

A lesbian couple in Texas is claiming discrimination after a judge told the pair they legally could not live together. Carolyn Compton and Page Price have been sharing a household with Compton’s two daughters, ages 10 and 13. But the judge said Price would have to move out, because of a “morality clause” in the divorce papers Compton signed when she ended her 11-year heterosexual marriage, the Dallas Morning News reports. The fairly common clause forbids either parent from having romantic partners stay overnight while their kids are home.

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25 Reasons To Dislike Liberals (Although There Are Millions)

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Published on: May 11, 2013

Is every liberal an immoral, nasty tempered, habitual liar who accuses people of racism for fun and trashes his own country because he thinks it makes him look sophisticated? Of course, not! On the other hand, is that a fairly accurate description of most liberals in politics? Yes, it is. Most of them aren’t evil per se, but as Margaret Thatcher said,

“Left-wing zealots have often been prepared to ride roughshod over due process and basic considerations of fairness when they think they can get away with it. For them the ends always seems to justify the means. That is precisely how their predecessors came to create the gulag.”

Liberals view themselves as good people because they’re liberals. People who are outside of that ugly little bit of circular reasoning don’t have such a benign view of their horrible behavior. So, what reason could you have to dislike liberals?

1) Only liberals would be cruel enough to pick on kids running lemonade stands with a permit, children putting on Christmas plays at school and the Boy Scouts.

2) Because the closest thing to Sodom and Gomorrah in the modern world is San Francisco and Berkeley.

3) Whether you’re talking about cop killers, terrorists, radical Islamists or dictators, all you have to do is say, “I hate America,” and liberals start to sympathize with you.

4) Liberals are actually bothered by people who do love America. On the rare occasion when you do see a liberal waving a flag, look for a camera.

5) The same people who voted Jimmy Carter and Barack Obama into office think they’re smarter than tradition, the Founding Fathers and God Himself.

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Chris Christie: ‘I’m a damn good Republican’ (Delusional Blimp Alert!)

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is swatting down criticism from GOP ranks that he isn’t conservative enough, saying in an interview airing Friday that he’s a “damn good Republican.”

“Is it a fair question to ask that if you ran as a Republican for president of the United States, what Republican Party do you see that would support your candidacy out there right now? How would you survive a primary process on the current set-up of the Republican Party?” NBC’s Brian Williams asked Christie, who is considered to be mulling a 2016 run.

“Listen, I think very well. I’ll worry about the presidency if and when I ever decide to run for it. But if you’re saying to me, ‘How do I feel as a Republican?’ I’m a damn good Republican and a good conservative Republican who believes in the things that I believe in,”

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Deluded ABC Newsman becomes “newswoman” (Must See Photo!)

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Published on: May 8, 2013

http://www.gopusa.com/news/files/2013/05/don_ennis.jpg

Top ABC News producer Don Ennis walked into his Manhattan office on Friday in a “little black dress” and a brunette bobbed wig and announced to colleagues that from now on, he would like to be known as Dawn.

The 49-year-old father of three said he’s splitting from his wife of 17 years to become a woman, or Dawn Stacey Ennis, as she is now known on her governmental records.

“Today I begin anew,” she wrote on her Facebook timeline, where she debuted a flirty new profile picture.

“Please understand: This is not a game of dress-up, or make- believe. It is my affirmation of who I now am and what I must do to be happy, in response to a soul-crushing secret that my wife and I have been dealing with for more than seven years, mostly in secret.”

Ennis said she suffers from an “unusual hormonal imbalance,” and blames her mother, who fed her female hormones as a child to prolong a commercial acting career. The hormones made the little boy look and sound young, but Ennis said she eventually developed breasts.

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thumbGore: “No Intermediate Step Between A Final Supreme Court Decision And A Violent Revolution”

George Soros, Reported Dead by Reuters, Is Unfortunately Still Alive

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Published on: April 18, 2013

Reuters accidentally published a pre-written obituary for George Soros on Thursday afternoon, declaring that the business titan had died at the ripe old age of “XXX.”

Soros is alive and 82 years old, as a spokesperson confirmed to Quartz soon after.

The obituary recapped Soros’ years as an investor and financier, while detailing his massive wealth, which is estimated to be $19 billion in total. New agencies frequently write framework obituaries for aging, prominent citizens years ahead of their eventual deaths, so it’s likely that someone at Reuters simply hit “publish” by accident. But that still didn’t stop the false story from becoming an immediate hot topic online, and Soros’ name became a worldwide Twitter trend.

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Fox takes Ann Coulter column down after reference to killing Meghan McCain

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Published on: April 12, 2013

<p> FILE - This Feb. 10, 2012 file photo shows conservative commentator Ann Coulter gesturing while speaking at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) in Washington. The Fox Nation web site has removed a column by conservative commentator Ann Coulter because it had a reference to killing the daughter of Sen. John McCain. Fox said Thursday, April 11, 2013, the column, posted Wednesday night, was deemed offensive. Coulter wrote that MSNBC's Martin Bashir suggested Republican senators need to have a member of their family killed before they would support stronger gun control legislation. She wrote: “Let's start with Meghan McCain!” (AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite, file)

The Fox Nation website has removed a column by conservative commentator Ann Coulter because it had a reference to killing the daughter of Sen. John McCain.

Fox said Thursday that the post was removed because of the reference. It had been posted Wednesday.

Coulter wrote about how MSNBC’s Martin Bashir suggested Republican senators wouldn’t support stronger gun control legislation until a member of their family was killed. She wrote: “Let’s start with Meghan McCain!”

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Iran’s Ahmadinejad Blames Jews For Erectile Dysfunction

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Published on: April 11, 2013

In a speech broadcast on state television, the Islamic firebrand claimed an international Jewish cabal is provoking male impotence though chemicals in bottled water and then making billions by treating the syndrome with pharmaceutical drugs like Viagra.

In the middle of one of his more typical rants against Israel, the United States, and global Zionism, Ahmadinejad unveiled his latest conspiracy theory.

“One of the most insidious new methods of global Zionist oppression is the effort to sap the life-forces of non-Jews around the world,” he thundered.

“According to my closest advisers, almost 95 percent of Iranian men now have difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection. I have to admit that on very rare occasions, I have had such trouble myself, despite my legendary virility.

“Clearly we see the work of the Zionists in this situation. Why else would good Muslim and Christian men everywhere be suffering this embarrassing lack of manly function?”

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thumbGreg Gutfeld: “Jim Carrey Has Killed More People Than All the Rifles Combined” (Video)

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Published on: March 27, 2013

thumbShatner ‘appalled’ by IRS ‘Trek’ spoof

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Published on: March 26, 2013

William Shatner said he is “appalled” by the Internal Revenue Services’s spoof of “Star Trek” — the television show that made him famous for his portrayal of Captain James Kirk.

Last week, the IRS apologized for spending $60,000 on the parody, which was intended to be used as a training video. Lawmakers — and now the show’s star actor — have blasted it as a senseless use of taxpayer money.

“So I watched that IRS video. I am appalled at the utter waste of U.S. tax dollars,” Shatner tweeted Tuesday Morning.

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AMAZING: Senate passes its first budget in four years on 50 to 49 vote!

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Published on: March 23, 2013

The Senate early Saturday passed its first budget in four years by a vote of 50 to 49.

The close vote was a big victory for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) and Senate Budget Chairwoman Patty Murray (D-Wash.), who had to overcome large differences within their caucus to push the resolution through.

Centrist Sens. Kay Hagan (D-N.C.), Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.), Joe Donnelly (D-Ind.), Mark Pryor (D-Ark.), Mark Begich (D-Alaska), Heidi Heitkamp (D-N.D.) and Max Baucus (D-Mont.) were all non-committal up until the end.

Baucus, Begich, Hagan and Pryor joined the entire GOP caucus in voting against the budget resolution. Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) missed the vote.

All the Democratic senators who voted “no” are up for reelection in 2014 in states that voted for GOP nominee Mitt Romney.

Democrats had been dogged by criticism for failing to approve a budget resolution since 2009 and the vote removes that GOP talking point from the political scene.

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Suit accuses Elmo puppeteer of homosexual meth-fueled sex party

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Published on: March 20, 2013

The puppeteer who gave Sesame Street’s Elmo his voice allegedly threw a crystal meth sex party for a teenage boy in 2004, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week.

Sheldon Stephens, now 24, is the fourth man to sue Kevin Clash, but he was the first one to publicly claim he had a sexual relationship with him as a teen.

Stephens’ lawsuit is “meritless and barred by the statute of limitations,” Clash lawyer Michael Berger told CNN Tuesday. “Mr. Clash continues to deny any wrongdoing, and we intend to defend this case forcefully.”

Although Stephens called it an “an adult consensual relationship” last November, the revelation triggered Clash’s suspension from Sesame Street and eventually his resignation.

Clash, who provided the high-pitched voice of the iconic furry red Elmo since 1984, acknowledged a relationship between “two consenting adults” when Stephens’ story first emerged, but he said it otherwise was a “false and defamatory allegation.”

“I am a gay man,” Clash, 52, said in a statement in November. “I have never been ashamed of this or tried to hide it, but felt it was a personal and private matter.”

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McCain: I apologize to Rand Paul and Ted Cruz for calling them “wacko birds”

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Published on: March 19, 2013

The key bit comes at 2:00. We all knew McCain was taking a lot of heat politically for dumping on Paul after his filibuster but I never would have guessed it was enough to squeeze an apology out of him. Good lord. How many times in his life, do you suppose, has Maverick apologized to a libertarian? Either he’s planning to run again for Senate in 2016 and wants to hedge his bets against a Paulian primary uprising in Arizona or he’s come to his senses and realized that his nastiness is doing the interventionist cause more harm than good. Either way, it’s time for a tactical retreat.

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